L and B's traumatic past
by beyond birthday 667
Summary: AU. What if L and B were really brothers? And their home life before Wammy's House left much to be desired. This story it not for the faint hearted, references to Rape and Torture.
1. Chapter 1

Light's pov:

It was night time, around one in the morning. Now usually, the detective never actually slept, or at least he waited until I went to bed before he slept, I really don't know. But I do know that once a week, he sleeps at the same time as me, all those sleepless nights finally catch up to him I guess.

And that one night of the week happens to be tonight. And over the past two months that we have been chained together, I've never been able to get any information about his past, or him for that matter. I try to tell him about me, and hope that he returns the gesture, but he doesn't.

But that's not the part that has me up right now, not sleeping, while he sleeps in that weird position. Why does always he do that anyways? It's like he's trying to protect himself from something, and the weird way he holds things, almost like he's afraid of anything coming to close. And sometimes he talks to himself in his sleep.

Probably why he tends to sleep after me. Like that one time, last week.

_I was sleeping in bed, when suddenly L kicked me. I jolted up, and looked around, only to find that he fell over on his side, and was thrashing, like he was having a nightmare. I went to wake him up, but I stopped my hand in the air, when he whispered out._

_" Stop... no please... i'm sorry... why do you .. hit me dad?"_

_My eyes grew wide. Did I hear that right? No it couldn't have been. I then woke him up. He looked around scared, which was weird, he was always so emotionless. But, as if nothing happened, he changed back to his regular self. __**What the fuck?!**_

_"Thank you Light-kun, sorry if I woke you up, please go back to sleep."_

_Oh, so he didn't realize that he was talking in his sleep, which was kind of weird since I thought he knew he's a sleep-talker. I decided not to bring it up, for his sake. Maybe if I got him to tell me what it was about, then I'd get my answers, while getting emotionally closer to him._

_"It's alright L, do you, maybe want to talk about it. They say that it's better to tell someone, that it helps."_

_I smiled to him, and he seemed to think about it for a moment._

_"No thank you, Light-kun. It was nothing, really, just go back to sleep."_

_Shot down, damn, not gonna lie, that kind of hurt._

_"Well, if you change your mind, i'm right here, literally," I said holding up the chain, "Plus you did say once that you saw me as a friend, and I see you as one too. So I don't mind listening, well, good night."_

_"Yes, good night Light-kun."_

_And I'll never forget that look he gave me. His eye's scream, ' I want to tell you, but i'm...afraid to.' Then he turned away, and got into that weird position again._

Plus, do to other events, I know something has happened to him before that has him like this. Like that other time.

_"Hey L, want to take a break, there nothing happening, actually nothing has happened for a good week or so now, come on it wont hurt."_

_I said to him, we were on the computers, like usual, and don't get me wrong, I love the work, I do, but it got boring sometimes. I continued to stare at L, my elbow on the computer table in front of me holding up my head as he thought about it for a moment, and to my surprise, agreed._

_"I guess it wouldn't hurt Light-kun, but what were you thinking of doing?" I had planned this out, so I immediately answered._

_"Well, how about we go somewhere else and play chess for a little while, and maybe talk?"_

_Luckily he didn't catch on to me so he got up with me right behind him. We walked to the elevator, and waited until it took us to the ninth floor. Once we got there, and exited the elevator, we walked to the fifth door, and went in. He walked over to a closet, and pulled out the earlier mentioned game board. Putting it on the table, we both sat opposite of each other, in soft chairs._

_I helped set up the board, and once we were finished, he went first. Not to long after, once we both did a couple of moves, I decided it was time to try to talk to him._

_"So, L, you know, I just remembered something."_

_He moved his piece, and didn't look up, waiting for my move._

_"And what is that Light-kun."_

_I made my move in the game._

_"Well, I though about before, when I was little, and me and my family went on a fishing trip. It was during the summer, you know the days were hotter and longer. And Siyu wasn't born yet, so it was only me, my father, and my mom. We were on the wooden plank, the one that sticks out of the water, and I was standing close to the edge. I was really good at catching fish, and I guess I wasn't paying attention, because when I threw the line in, as I didn't notice I was so close to the edge, and fell in. I couldn't swim at the time, and my father jumped in after I heard my mother scream, and pulled me out. And lets just say he wasn't to happy with me"_

_I smiled, even though I shivered at the memory of what happened to my poor backside once we got back home. Never did like fishing again. During my story, we both continued to play, going back and forth, him taking some of my pieces, and me taking some of his._

_"What about you L? Anything ever happen to you like that."_

_He was caught off guard by my question. His hand suddenly knock over some of the game pieces, and his face seemed to turn dark for a second. His hair covered his eye's like he was trying to cover his expression, but it only added to it._

_"No Light-kun, I grew up in an orphanage, I never knew my parents, the end."_

_Then he changed the subject._

_"Oh, my bad, I knock over the pieces, oh well, we need to get back to work anyways, I'll have Watari clean it up later, come lets go."_

_I could tell he didn't want to talk about it, so I dropped it altogether, I didn't even mention that night to him, when he talked in his sleep and stuff._

I also remember that one night, a little while ago, I had trouble sleeping, and although I was laying on my side, with my eyes closed, like I was already passed out for the night. I felt L shift in the bed, then his weight was off the bed. I heard rustling, and he got back on the bed. Then more rustling, and then the sound of pencil on paper, he was writing something.

My first though was that it had came from under the bed, and I thought about how I used to hide a journal under my bed, years ago. Maybe that was what it was. If only I could get my hands on it, I had thought, then maybe my questions would be answered.

And that's why I was up tonight, L was asleep, and it was my time to put my mind at ease. I crawled over him, luckily the chain was long enough for me to reach under the bed and grab it.

Once I got it, I sat on the ground, but before I opened it, I thought about the day that I was with L, when he told me that I was his first friend. Would this be going against our friendship?

It didn't matter to me, I had to know what was going on, so I opened it up, and read.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary-thing, Entry 1:<p>

This is the first time I ever had anything like this. Something that was all my own. So, where do I start? I guess i'll write about everything that has happened to me that I can remember. Maybe It will help with all the nightmares I've been having recently.

I remember my mother, she was so beautiful. I look a little like her, but mostly like my father. Which I hate, because every time I look in the mirror, I can only see him. And all the a-full memories that it brings along with it.

My mother died when I was young, young enough that I can barely remember her face now, though old enough that I do remember the things that we did together. All of the sudden she got very sick and passed away, so it was only me, my father, and my older brother B. He was the favorite between the two of us when it came to our father, though luckily not our mother. She loved us both equally.

I don't know why either. I was smarter than B, maybe it was because he truly loved our father, and always smiled at him. I remember those times.

B was such a happy person before, he loved life so much. He could always find something good about every situation. Our father may have favored him, but that doesn't mean he didn't abuse him like me.

There was so much that happened. So in this entry, i'll only talk about one time.

When mama first died, father was all depressed.

He drank a lot, but always managed to not lose his job some how. I'll never know how me managed that though, he always smelled of beer in the morning.

Then, one night, he came home, me and B had already come home from school long before. Which was another thing, for some reason he and mama always called us L and B, don't know why though.

But anyways, he came home that night, and he had a strange look in his eyes. He looked at B, and to me. His eyes screamed of lust, though at the time I didn't recognize what that meant.

Me and B were doing our homework at the small table we had gotten for Christmas, he always got us stuff for Christmas every year even after mama died but I don't know why. From the way he acted toward us most of the time, you would thing that he hated us. Until tonight it wasn't anything beyond glares and verbal abuse.

He walked over to me, and picked me up. B, not knowing what was happening either, stood up and watched as our father walked into his bed room, and locked the door. I could hear Beyond trying to twist the door nob to open the door, and when that didn't work, banging on the door.

He threw me on the bed, and preceded to undress me. I still didn't have the faintest clue as to what was going on, though if I had, I would have tried to run away. It wasn't until he started to get undressed to that I started to get the whole picture. I can remember the whole thing, how he looked, and every move he made.

He jumped at me, his tall, thin but muscular frame diving on top of me. I myself only came up to his waist when I stood next to him, not even going past his stomach, making what he wanted to do all that much easier.

He rolled over, making me sit on top of him.

"I'll make you a deal my little Lawliet, be daddy's good little boy, don't scream or try to get away and I won't go for your older brother once we're done."

Without giving me a chance to answer, he stuck three fingers in me mouth, pushing them in and out. I could feel him getting hard, my bottom was on top of his nether regions. Once they were covered with enough saliva he stuck them in me, on by on. It hurt, oh god it hurt so bad, and he was only getting started. After scissoring me for sometime, he took his fingers out and thrust into me.

I opened my mouth to scream, but I knew I couldn't so I brought my small hands to my mouth and stuck my own fingers in to distract me from screaming. For a couple of moments, he didn't move, then he took me by the hip, since I was still on top of him, and made me ride him. Slowly at first, then faster and faster.

When I felt him 'fill me up' so to speak, I knew it was over. He laid me next to him and soon fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Dear Journal, { diary is too girly}<p>

Entry 2

That incident tore me apart. Why did he do that? It didn't take a lot of money, and god knows that he has plenty, to at least buy a prostitute, so why?

I saw the way he looks at my older, by a few minutes, brother BB, so why did he chose me? Was it because he wanted to spare BB the trauma that...it causes? Well, I can't really wish what had happened to me on my brother.

He's weird, but I love him non the less, and neither him or our father has spoken since I broke down in tears and told BB what had happened. I don't know why I told him, I guess I just trust him too much, and when he had finally calmed down, he went nuts.

I tried to stop him, but he charged out of the room, and went to father's room.

I couldn't bring my self to call him dad anymore, he doesn't deserve that title.

He screamed bloody murder at the top of his lungs, and pounded at his door for a good thirty minutes, but our dad was always a heavy sleeper. BB gave up and stomped back into our room, a murderous intent in his eyes. He started punching the walls in fury.

He was always over protective over me, maybe he thought that I couldn't take care of my self, and before I thought I could, but that day proved me wrong.

He stopped suddenly and pulled my by my arm over to our closet. He opened the door and moved some stuff around inside before putting me there and covering me up with a blanket that was put there a year ago.

"Stay here, I'll be back soon, and under no circumstance do you leave this place got it?" He said, and I could only nod my head, I was too shaken up to say anything, and I was sore all over, so I doubt I'd have the energy to. He closed the door, and I could hear him walking off.

I know now what BB had done, but when I was little I had no clue. He had walked into the kitchen, and grabbed a knife, then came back into our room to hide it under his bed. He had plans to use it later.

When he came back for me minutes later, he picked me put, he was always strong for his age, and carried me to bed, he slept by me that night. And every night since, like he was afraid that if he left, something would happen to me again. And at points I thought so too.

I fell asleep minutes later, i was so tired, and I'm not sure how long I slept for, but the next thing I knew, BB was shaking me, trying to wake me up.

I had, had a nightmare, that our father was after me again, which didn't surprise me much, I knew I'd probably have some sort of nightmare like that, it was natural after something of that stance and BB were and am very smart after all.

I was so shaken up after that, that I thought I'd never sleep again, of at least for the rest of the night. Once BB had waken me up, I stared to cry uncontrollably, and he had to hold he close to his chest, rocking me back and forth to help calm me down.

He would shush me, trying anything he could to calm me down, and soon my sobs were turned to quiet cries. That dream was so horrible, that I didn't want to sleep for the rest of the night, but there was something about the way that he rocked me back and forth that was sothing, I couldn't help but think of our mother, the way she'd do this to one of us if we had a bad dream.

And soon after, I fell asleep in his arms, I trusted my brother to keep me safe, at least for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>Entry 3:<p>

It was the next night, B was sleeping with me again, he had moved his pillows over to my bed. Father probably was working late again, he hasn't come home yet.

Earlier, B had cooked dinner, since out of the two of us, he was the best, and we had watched t.v until we were tired.

B was laying down next to me, he had his arms around me since I had told him that it made me feel better, and I was about to fall asleep when I heard the front door open.

I started to shiver, he was hear, and I could hear his foot steps get closer, and finally stop right outside of our door.

B turned to me, and we listened, the phone down stairs started to ring and he walked away. B threw the covers off of us, and picked me up off of the bed.

He started walking towards the closet, and opened the door. He hid me in the back and once again covered me with the blanket. I could hear him moving boxes it front of me to hide me from view.

It was dark, and then I heard Father come back in. "Where is L?!" B was quiet for a moment. "I don't know what you mean." I couldn't see, but I bet Father was furious.

"Listen here you little shit, tell me where your brother is now or else." There was only silence for a few moments, before I heard, "Or else what? You gonna rape me too? I don't think so."

I could hear footsteps moving around, but I don't know who's, Then, suddenly I heard a scream.

* * *

><p><em><em>Years later I had found something that was of great interest to me, B's own Journal. Well, more like some pieces of paper that were kept together by folding the papers into three sections.<em>_

__So I decided to put his papers in my journal for the time that I didn't understand what was going on. { When it is written in bold, that is beyond birthday's writing. } [ i'm going to start from the beginning so it doesn't confuse people.]__

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 1:<strong>**

****Mother has died. I'm not even sure how to explain what I feel, when she had died, L cried over her body for hours. But I didn't cry, I couldn't, I'm L's older brother, I can't show that this effects me.****

****I have to stay strong for him. I sat next to him to comfort him, and then Father came home. He called for us, but we just stayed where we were.****

****He came into Mother's room soon afterwards. We didn't turn towards him, and he walked over to us and grabbed the back of our shirts and threw us out of the room.****

****I was surprised, to say the least. I hit the wall, but luckily I had caught and came behind L in hid throw, so I broke his fall. Once I had hit the wall hard, with him in front of me, we both fell to the ground on our sides.****

****It had hurt a lot, and when I opened my eyes, my vision was shaky and blurry. We both sat up, and besides minor pain in his side, L seemed fine.****

****I knew our Father could be mean and sometimes out right cruel, but I didn't expect him to go this far. I had known our Mothers death would effect him but that was no excuse.****

****I stood up and helped him to his feet. We walked back to our rooms, and layed down in our bed to go to sleep. It was dark and probably the only time I could cry, so I did.****

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 2:<strong>**

****It was late at night, me and L had come home from school and were doing our homework that we had forgot to do earlier, when our Father had come home. We both looked at him, and i'm sure L saw it too.****

****In his eyes there was this strange look, lust. Was he gonna... to one of us?...Oh no. He started to walk over to us, and I feared that it was me he was after.****

****Never had I been so wrong, when I wished I was right. He was after L. It's not like i wanted him to rape me, but I'd rather it be me and not my little brother.****

****I was frozen in shock, I watched as he picked up my little brother and made his was to his room. I got up to follow them, but neither of then noticed. I ran after him.****

****But just as I was about to reach him, he closed the door on me. I banged on the door, but it was no use. I was to small to break it down. Then soon the screams started.****

****They were L's, and they were filled with pain. Knowing I could do nothing to stop it, I ran to the bathroom and closed the door. I covered my ears with me hands, but i could still hear them.****

****Never had I felt so... useless. My little brother was being raped in the other room and I could only sit here and cry? I'm not sure when, but I could feel the liquid rolling down my face.****

****What felt like hours passed, when the screams stopped. I heard Father's door open then close again. Looking up from the floor, I could make out little footsteps head toward our room. L!****

****I ran out of the bathroom, and into our room, L looked surprised, but I simply ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him. L lost it and started crying into my shoulder.****

****He started to talk really fast, but I understood what he was saying. He told me everything that had happened. By the time he was done, and still crying, I could feel myself slipping away.****

****His sobs soon turned to silent cries and I let him go. I couldn't control my anger anymore, and ran out of the room and towards his room. I don't know why, but I started screaming and pounding on the door.****

****It didn't matter though, he didn't answer. I walked back to our room with my hands cluched into fists at my sides. As soon as I entered the room I started to hit the wall in anger.****

****How dare he hurt my precious little L, that bastard, I have to hurt him. I thought as I hit the wall, but not hard enough to leave any holes. Once I was done with my little fit, I walked over to L.****

****He was probably very sore, so I simply picked him up and hid him in the closet. I told him to stay there as I left to walk into the kitchen. I looked around until I spotted the knife holder on the counter.****

****Grabbing what looked like a butcher knife, I ran back into the room and hid it under my bed, I took the covers and pulled them halfway down the bed, so no one could see under the bed.****

****Walking back over to the closet, I once again picked L up and carefully put him in bed, and walking over to mine to grab my pillow, I got into bed with him.****

****I had to make sure he was safe tonight, and make sure that bastard didn't try to hurt him again.****

****Soon, we both fell asleep.****

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 3:<strong>**

****I was sleeping peacefully when suddenly I felt someone hit me in the side. I woke up and looked over to L, he was having a nightmare.****

****That bastard caused my L to have nightmares! I calmed myself down.I needed to help L, it was no time to work myself up.****

****Grabbing a hold of his shoulders, I shook him gently, and soon his eye's shot open, and he started to look around before he buried his face into my chest.****

****I was a little surprised at first, but soon I started to rock him back and forth, shushing him. I couldn't stand it when he cried, I don't know why though.****

****After a while he calmly fell back he had fallen asleep, I looked over to my bed, hopefully I would be able to use it soon.****

****I wanted nothing more than to hurt that son of a bitch, but i'm sure L wouldn't appresiate it. He was always the kind one between the two of us.****

****I stared up at the ceiling as I went deep into thought. It always helps me sleep, I usually just drift into sleep while thinking.****

__**L was always a softy, never liking to see people in pain. I remember that one time we were at the park when we were four. Well, I was four, he was three.**__

**_**There was that stupid blonde bitch, she had a shrill voice, and tried to boss me around, since I was the only one there besides her parents, my parents, and L.**_**

__**Just to get back at her, I pushed her off of the slide, but she fell side ways and her left leg hit the slide, and broke.**__

__**Her parents and my parents weren't even watching, and neither was L so I never got in trouble for it even though she tried to blame me for it.**__

**_**I still remember the look on L's face as she screamed and cried, her leg was twisted at a weird angle. As the ambulance drove her away, I only laughed.**_**

**_**Then there was that time a social secretly worker came over, he tried to take me away once they were informed of the little incident at the park.**_**

__**I had left the house with L, and while he was driving down the road, L jumped out in front of his car. He slammed on the breaks and got out of his car.**__

__**When he came toward L asking if he was alright, I came up behind him and hit him over the head with a rench. The look on L's face was priceless.**__

**_**We ended up putting him back into his car, and taking a brick, it kept going straight until it drove off of the cliff where you were suppose to turn.**_**

**_**But why is it that i'm so messed up and L isn't? Why do I do these things, if everybody says there not normal?**_**

****After that last thought I drifted off into sleep, forgetting everything I thought in the morning.****

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 4:<strong>**

****The next night, Father didn't come home as usual. He was either working late or drinking all the extra money we had away.****

****But as long as he isn't here I really could care less. Of course, with him not here, I would have to cook. I didn't trust L in the kitchen.****

****That kids got a real big sweet tooth. Which is probably my fault, since when he was a baby, and had to drink that nasty formula that I tried that one time when our mother wasn't looking, I use to put a lot of sugar in his bottle when ever her back was turned to make it easier for him to drink.****

****Of course at the time, I didn't know that all babies drink that and thought it tasted good, or that it would cause him to like anything with sugar in it in the near future.****

****But anyways, the last time I let him cook something for me when our parents were in bed, he tried to make soup, but added the whole thing of sugar into it.****

****I didn't even know he had tampered with it, so I tried to eat it, but literally spit it out as soon as it entered my mouth.****

****And lets just say that we got into a lot of trouble the next morning when Mom found out all her sugar was gone.****

****Of course I took the blame for L, since it was the brotherly thing to do. I only ended up getting sent to my room for an hour of two, but I was still mad.****

****So, getting down the cans of soup we had in our cabinets I poured both can of tomato soup into a large cooking kettle on the stove, and let it cook at medium setting.****

****Neither of us liked it, but that was all we had. Our Father needed to go shopping again, but for some reason he never bought enough.****

****I had asked if he was out of money, but he said he had plenty, and to shut my mouth before he shut it for me.****

****I bet we're actually poor, and he's just drinking our money away with out telling us. I turned to the bread box, and grabbed a chair from the dinning room.****

****It's not like we eat there a lot anymore as a family. Me and L just eat in our rooms when Fathers home, it's only at times like these when he's not here that we use it.****

****Bringing the chair into the kitchen, I stood up on it and got onto the counter. Opening the bread box and taking out the cheap bread we had, I put four pieces into the toaster.****

****Hoping off of the chair, I got out two small plates, and one big plate. Next I got out two bowls, two spoons, napkins, and crackers.****

****Walking over to the bottom cabinets where I got the soup out from, I got out a can of carrots, peas, corn, and green beans. I could try and at lease make the soup better.****

****After opening up the cans, I poured the vegetables into the kettle and took out a wooden spoon from the drawer. I had already moved the chair over to the stove and was standing on it.****

****Turning up the heat to 6, I gentle sturred the soup, hoping that I did this correctly. I didn't even know who to cook, I was just making up ideas as I went along.****

****After a while, I took a spoon and tried it. It was a little hot, but it actually tasted good. After turning off the stove so that the house wouldn't burn down, I got off of the chair.****

****Grabbing the big plate, I placed it on the counter next to the toaster and stood on my tip-toes to get the bread out and place it on the plate.****

****Going over to the table, I placed the plate in the center, and when back into the kitchen and put about ten crackers on the smaller plates and set those too on the table.****

****After putting the spoons down on either sides and taking a chair from the front and the chair in the kitchen, I set them in front of the food, and went back into the kitchen.****

****After scooping two servings into the bowls, one for each, I set those next the the small plates and the spoons. Unfortunetly, I still wasn't done.****

****Cooking sure was hard work, hopefully I won't have to do it often. Getting two cups down I poured grape juice into them and took them along with the napkins to the table.****

****Standing back to admire my work, I looked to the side where the living room was and spotted L watching T.V.****

****"Hey L, some over here, it's time to eat." I called, and he came over, but as soon as he was the table hs face lit up. "Did you really make all of this?" He asked.****

****"Yeah, it wasn't too hard." I said, we both sat down and started eating. There wasn't much to talk about, so we finished rather quickly.****

****We only said something here or there relating about what happened at school. Sometimes laughing at certain events that happened in the classroom.****

****After we finished, he help me put the remander of the soup in containers and set it in the refrigerater. We had both eaten all of the bread, and only a few crackers from his and my plate were left.****

****Throwing those away, he helped me put dishes in the sink, and we both walked back into the living room and watched a movie.****

****It was around ten before the movie was over and by then we were both tired. Once we were in bed, I was actually in his, we started to drift off into sleep with my arm around him.****

****It made him feel better, he had told me earlier when he thought that I was going to sleep in my own bed. Which wasn't going to happen since I felt like I needed to protect him.****

****We were both almost asleep when both me and L heard the front door opening. Great, this night was actually going very well, but i'm sure that he'll find a way to mess it up.****

****L looked over at me, and then when the footsteps haulted right outside our door, we both turned our attention to the small space under the door, and we both saw a small part of his shadow.****

****Then, by some mirical, the phone started to ring. After he had walked off, I quickly threw the covers off of us, and pulled L out of bed.****

****Opening the closet door, and putting him in the back, I covered him up with a blanket and moved some old boxes in front of him.****

****Closing the door and turning back around, I quickly ran over to my bed and pulled out the knife I had hidden. Holding it behind my back, I waited until our Father came back.****

****Once he came back, he started screaming at me, asking where L was, but of course I only gave him a smart ass answer. And that's when it happened.****

****He started walking towards me, like he was going to hurt me, and I took the knife and stabbed him in the arm. He screamed out in pain.****

* * *

><p>Entry 3, continued.:<p>

After I heard the scream, I got out of my place in the closet, and opened the door. It didn't sound like B's scream, the voice was too deep.

Opening the door, I was met with a site to behold. My Father was kneeling on the ground, clutching his arm where blood was coming out of.

B stood a couple of feet in front of him, holding a bloody butcher knife. "B!" I shouted, and he turned around, surprised. ""What are you doing!?" We both yelled in union.

"I'm trying to protect us, what are you doing, why aren't you hiding?" I only stared at him. "I heard a scream. Oh my god, look out." I practically yelled.

He turned around but the second he did, Fathers fist smashed into his face. The force of the blow caused him to fall backwards. Blood started to trickle out of his mouth.

Father had gotten to his feet while we were talking and came at B. "You little shit." He yelled as he stood over B, and rased his fist to hit him again.

Out of instinct, I ran over to him. He had already punched B in the eye and was going to hit him for a third time. But as soon as I got to him, I kicked him in the balls.

Maybe it wasn't a practical move, but I didn't know how to fight and it sure got the job done. B got to his feet while Father cluched himself, and withered in pain on the floor.

Rushing over to me, he grabbed my hand, and ran out of the bedroom with me following right behind him. We ran down the hallway until we reached and old broom closet.

It was pretty much empty except for some spare blankets stuffed into a corner. Opening the door, we hid in there. After a few minutes, we heard our Father's foot steps come down the hall.

To our relief he passed right by the closet and into the living room screaming our names. It was the first time I ever actually heard him say our real names.

"Beyond, Lawliet, where are you two?" We stayed quiet until he gave up and went back into his room for the night.

Standing up, B grabbed the little metal chain to turn on the light. He took a blanket and a large , oversized pillow and put them on the floor, creating a pallet.

There was one more blanket, and after I laid down, he turned out the light and pulled it over us. But I couldn't sleep, I had a question plaguing my mind for a long time, and I decided now was the best time to ask it.

"Hey B, why don't our parents call us by our real names, how come they use L and B?" He looked over at me through the dark.

"You mean they've never told you, look let me put it this way, why do you think we use to move around a lot?" "I don't know, I always thought it was because we couldn't pay the bills."

"Well, that's part of the reason. Mom and Father use to be criminals, they robbed banks, hung with gangs, and took place in the black market.

But when we were born, Mom convinced Father to stop and settle down to have a family. They had to move a lot, always on the run from the police, and used allises so people wouldn't recognize them.

They used allises for us too and they stuck just in case recognized our names." I could only stare at him. The information was shocking to say the least. There was only one thing I didn't understand.

"Why would people recognize our names if we never did anything?"

"Well, the police were desperate to find them, so they let slip our names, hoping someone would see us."

"Well, what were our parents names?"

" Elaina Lawliet and Ivan Birthday. Although there is one thing I forgot to tell you, your first name is actually L. Your L Lawliet and I'm Beyond Birthday. Now go to sleep, we have school tomorrow."

He said, putting his arm around me and we cowered together for warmth since it was extremely cold in the closet. We would have gone to our rooms, but we didn't want to take the chance.

That night, the nightmares started again, but they weren't as bad as before.

* * *

><p>I closed the journal, for that was more than I wanted to know. No wonder he had all those nightmares. But, Lawliet? Was that his real name? No, probably just another ales. Sliding the book under the bed, I crawled into bed, and went to sleep, tossing and turning all night.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Entry 4:

I was the first one to wake up the next morning, B was still asleep next to me, cuddling me for warmth. Sometime during the night, it had gotten colder, maybe the heat was turned off.

Shaking his shoulders, I tried to wake him up, after a few attempts he finally got up. " Crap, what happened, it's cold as hell in here." "Ah, B, last time I checked, hell isn't cold." He gave me a blank stare.

"Shut up, come on, we got school today." Getting up, we got out of the closet. Walking into the living room, our Father was sitting at the table, probably waiting for us.

"You two will no longer be going to school. It's too dangerous, I don't want to get caught, and at the moment, we don't have enough money to move. Since your mother is dead, I'll be taking up my old job."

"What?! But that's even more dangerous. What are you stupid, the only reason you haven't been caught is because you've been laying low. What are you going to do if they find you this time?"

B said, not even showing a little respect towards Father, not that I blamed him, but Father was still scary. " Watch your tongue boy, and that is none of your concern. What ever happens I'll figure it out."

B gave him what I like to call 'The Glare From Hell'. Great, I could already tell that a fight was going to happen. "Come on B, lets go to our room." Grabbing his hand, I led him away to our room.

"What do you think that was all about B? He didn't even mention what happened last night at all. He just acted like it never happened. And I know he didn't forget since, _you stabbed him in the arm_."

I still thought that what B did was stupid, but I wasn't going to say that out loud, since B has a thing for losing his temper real fast.

" Well, he has to much pride to say anything, I mean think about it, he got beat up by two kids. That's pretty pathetic if you ask me." He looked at me for a moment. "You know, I'm kinda proud of you."

It was time for me to give him a blank stare, "What for?" "Well," he started, grinning at me, " You kicked him in the balls, and that was awesome. I mean did you see his face when your foot connected with his ball sack?"

I gave him my "WTF?!" look, "Hey now, don't give me that look." I sighed, my brother could be so weird sometimes. " Really B, your so childish."

" What, I am not, your the one who's childish." I smirked, this was gonna be fun, I always liked to pick fights with B, but not for real, because if he was ever really mad at me, I'd run away like a bat out of hell.

"Really? Because that was a childish come-back if I ever heard one." He got red in the face, "I'm gonna get you for that." Lounging at me, he got me in a head lock, and gave me a nooky.

"Hey, stop that." I tried to pry his arms off of me, but he was too strong. "Ah, I give, I give." Finally he let me go. We started to laugh.

I really did love these moments, it was at times like these that everything felt right. Like everything was back to normal, and my life was happy again. At that moment, my stomach decided to growl.

"Come on L, lets go get breakfast, Father should have left for work by now." Nodding, we left for the kitchen. I stood at the entrance for the kitchen while B looked through the cabnits and in the refrigerater. "Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing?" I asked, confused. "I mean there's nothing in here. Even the soup I made last night is gone. Father must have ate it. We're gonna have to leave and go to the store."

"Ha, and with what money, B Father's the only one with the money." He walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. "Where are you going?" I asked as I followed him. "To Father's bed room, he keeps extra money in his drawers."

"What? You can't just take his money, what if he finds out?" B stopped at Father's door. "Why do you care? Look, it's just less drinking money for him, no harm done."

Opening the door, he went inside."I guess your right, but your taking the blame if he finds out." "Well thanks for your loving support." He said back sarcastically. Well, what am I suppose to say, B's a lot stronger than I am.

Coming back out of the room with at least thirty dollars, B grabbed my hand and led me toward the front door. "B, what are you doing?" Leaving the door unlocked, we headed down the street.

"What do you think? Remember last time we left with our parents and you got lost? We had to search for you for an hour and once we found you, you wouldn't stop crying on me in the car."

Blushing a little, I said back, " That was two years ago, when are you going to forget about that?" "When monkeys fly" "Isn't it when pigs fly." "No, pigs are on the break through of flying, so now its monkeys."

Sighing, I shook my head. Sometimes it was hard to tell when he was joking or being serious because he always says stuff with a straight face. I worry about him sometimes.

Arguing back and forth, it wasn't long before we entered the store. There were a lot of people there, and with out realizing it, I started to squeeze B's hand a little tighter. He didn't seem to mind.

Grabbing one of those hand held baskets, we left to the can food isle. We needed to buy stuff that we could hide, because if Father came home and suddenly there was food, well i'm sure he can put two and two together, no matter how stupid he seems to be at times.

"B, please let go, people are staring." I said suddenly, looking over to the small group of about three women saying 'aww' and 'cute' and down right being women. I'll never get their species.

"Fine, but I swear if you get lost.." "Yeah,Yeah,Yeah, I know, you'll be mad and yada yada yada, just let go." He sighed, obviously just barley holding it together. If there was one person who could put B at his breaking point but not push him over the edge, it's me.

I started to look around, not really paying attention to where I was going, when I suddenly went off into space. With happens a lot when I'm bored. I was brought out of my thoughts when I accidently bumped into an old man.

He was really tall and had a mushtach, "Oh, i'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to bump into you." "Oh, no thats ok, where are your parents?" "Oh, my big brother is right over there..."

Looking behind my, I saw that B was no where to be found. "I think i'm lost." "Oh, well i'll help you find them." Following him to the front counter, he asked what was my brother's name so we could call him over the intercom.

"Um, well you see the thing about that is..." "L, there you are, i've been searching all over for you, I told you not to get lost." Turning around, B was right behind me, with an angry expression.

"I'm sorry sir if my brother caused you any trouble." B said to the old man. "Oh, no it was no trouble at all. Are you here buy your selves?" "um, no are um parents are in isle ummm three so yeah we'll be going now."

Wow, I knew B was bad under presser, but this is just quite believing him, he said, "Well, if your ever in any trouble, here's my card."

Giving B his buissness card it read 'Wammy's Orphanage for gifted children.' Weird, this old man runs an orphanage, but it did sound fimilar for some reason.

Thanking the man, B grabbed my arm and hurried off to pay for the food. The whole way home he was lecturing me on and on. Great, at least I can tune him out, hope he doesn't ask me any questions.

_I was extremely shocked when I read Entry 3 of L's Journal. It had his name! L Lawliet, I could use this to kill him, now I can have my perfect Utopia. But, the thought of killing L after reading this just didn't feel right._

_I wanted to create my perfect Utopia to protect people against this, the exact same things that L and this B person had to go through._

_I had always thought that L was somehow unhuman, he rarely slept, only ate sugar, and was so smart that I would have been frightened if I wasn't also very intelligent. Yet, there were so many emotions in this Journal, HUMAN emotions, emotions that he never let show._

_When I told L that he was one of my first friends, I wasn't lying, and I had the urge to kill this Ivan Birthday, because it was my job as Kira God of the New World to eliminate worthless scum bags like this guy._

_But somehow the name sounded fimilar, I wrote so many names, It's sometimes hard to remember a certain name, yet I get the feeling that he's already dead. But I'm not sure if I killed him or not, I did spend a long time looking over peoples names that were already dead, that were people as bad as this guy._

_Maybe I could somehow get Misa to look for the name once she's released from custody._

_Suddenly I felt movement on the bed,L was waking up!_

_"Light-kun, what are you doing with my journal?"_

_Crap, I've been found out. Looking up at the bed,I was met with L's emotionless black eyes. I guess I had to explain._

_"Well, I... i'm sorry, but I wanted to know more about you and you wouldn't tell me, so.." He seemed to understand, and hopped off of the bed, and next to me on the floor, also sitting down, but in that weird way of his._

_I thought that he probably wanted it back, so I handed it to him, but he didn't take it, he just looked down at his knees, holding a thumb to his mouth. He was thinking._

_"If you would like, you can continue to read it."_

_I was shocked, again. Why would he let me read something so personal as this? I couldn't help myself, I had to ask, "But why? Why would you continue to let me read this? It makes no sense, especially since you think I'm Kira."_

_He finally looked up at me, " I know you already know my name, it's in that entry you just read, It's not like I can stop anything that's already been done. And I doubt you would go so far as to read someones diary, something so personal if you didn't truely want to know about that person. Besides, I've envaded a lot of your personal space, even if it is for the sake of the investigation, so just think of it as an even trade."_

_I was shocked,he had a point._

_I couldn't argue that it wasn't a nice moment between us._

_"Besides, I'm letting the Task force know that if I die anytime soon, that your Kira."_

_Twitching an eye,I couldn't help but think that it was just like L, he always had to ruin the moment._

* * *

><p>Entry 5:<p>

After coming home, and hiding the food in the old closet we had to spend the other night in, me and my big brother sat in the living room. We were on the couch, eating out of one big bowl of soup when B looked over at the clock.

It was only 4:00 in the afternoon, and I was starting to get sleepy.B hadn't spoken to me very much since we got home. He was probably still very angry at me for running off in the store earlier.

He had given me a huge lecture the whole way home, then made me sit in our room as further punishment while he hid the groceries and made lunch. As if listening to his angry and somewhat annoying voice wasn't enough.

Although he said I wasn't completely off the hook yet.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 5:<strong>**

****I am still furious at L for the little stunt he pulled, next time I'm not going to let him let go of me. And unfortunately, there will be a next time. I have a plan that I have to set in motion as soon as L's done eating.****

****I was very serious when I said that I was going to protect L. When I told L earlier that he wasn't '' off the hook yet'' I was really only using that as an excuse. You see, L hates taking naps, and I am planning to make him take one.****

****You see, like his sugar problem, him not liking to sleep when he was younger may have been another problem caused by me. When we were very young, L was running around the house one day, and he wasn't really paying attention to where he was going.****

****He ended up running into a small table that held mom's favorite vase. It had belonged to her grandmother who had passed away two years prior. When confronted, he blamed it on me, which got me a very sore backside and a "lovely" 20 minutes in the corner.****

****Even though I was just a kid at the time, I still held a grudge over that. So, later on, I told him that the "Boogy man" was a green monster made of bugers that hid under kids beds ans in kids closets and waited until kids were asleep to eat them if they ever told lies.****

****Which, after I told him that, it had later back fired, and for two weeks, when ever it was nap time, he never slept. And at night, when ever he heard the smallest of noises, he'd jump out of bed, and crawl into my bed.****

****At first, he'd get a death grip on me, then after he fell asleep, he'd toss and turn, always taking the blankets with him. When he did that the first time, I myself was half asleep and tried to pull them back from him. Soon after realizing that I wouldn't win the little tug-of-war, I'd let go.****

****But the force that he was putting into it made him roll over and fall off of the bed. Unfortunetly, our cat whiskers, ( I got to name him since I was the one who found him in the back yard after his mother abandoned him, I wanted to name him whiskers since he had abnormally large whiskers. If your wondering, his mother abandoned him since he wasn't very healthy. And two years after this inncodent tonight, he would die from heart failer.) was under the bed, and when L saw his yellowish eyes, he screamed.****

****He ended up peeing himself (which I later tease him about,) and waking up mom and Father. When they asked him what was going on, he wouldn't tell, only muttering "the boogy man might get me if I tell." and climb back into bed with me.****

****Finally I got him back into his own bed, saying the "boogy man" also ate children who slept with their big brothers. But anyways, I'm sure buy mow he had figured out that I'd lied but he'd never really say anything about it, probably embarassed that I pulled one over on him, except maybe something here or there just to get on my nerves.****

****And all that works in my favor. We're going to leave, I've already decided this since it's no longer save here with Father, and I refuse to let us be sitting duck so he can just attack us when every he wants.****

****You see while L is sleeping, i'm going to sneak into our Father's room and take the large suitcase that he keeps in his closet just in case we need to leave right away.****

****And then I'm going to take the rest of his money, which happens to be a lot since he doesn't keep a bank account for obvious reasons, and stick it in the with the food in the closet, our clothes, toothbrushes, ect. and then wake L up so we can go.****

****I thought about going to the orphanage, but soon ditched the idea, thinking that Father might track us down there, and I would not explain to the police what he does to us. I don't need their help to protect MY brother.****

****So, after sending a protesting L to bed for an hour or two, I set my plan in motion. It wasn't hard to pick the lock on the door, and to find the place where he keeps his money hidden, which happens to be in a plastic zip-lock bag in the toilet. Which isn't in the part you use, by the way, but in the back part.****

****It was an old trick used by many people wanting to hide their money. He is so predictable. And after half an hour of getting everything else, along with some plates, bowls, cups, ect. I now had to sneak into our room with out waking up L.****

****It was pretty easy since he was out cold, probably exhausted from today, and all was set. Now for the hard part, waking up L and getting him to come with me.****

****Shaking his shoulders, I finally got him to wake up. "Hey, L listen very carefully to me, we're gonna get out of here, i've already got our stuff packed and ready to go. We're gonna run away, I already know of a place where we can go with no questions asked."****

****"Ok." Wait, what? I didn't expect him to agree so easily to that, I guess he want out of here more than I think. Holding his hand in one hand and the suitcases's handle in the other, I walked to the front door, ready to leave.****

****But, pausing for a moment, I hear footsteps coming toward our door, and only one thought crosses through my mind, '******_**shit, there's no way he's already back.'**_**

* * *

><p>Entry 6:<p>

"B, what are we gonna do?" I asked, worried. There's no way it could be anyone but our Father. For a second, I had a flicker of hope that it was a mailman or something.

But that couldn't be possible, we are all fugitives, well our Father is, we were just wanted since he's in trouble with the police, and no one truly knew where we are. So it couldn't be mail.

And, it couldn't be a neighbor either, all of our neighbors hated us. Our Father made sure of that. Suddenly the footsteps stopped, then there was the sound of keys.

"Take the suitcase and hide it, then go to the bathroom, flush the toilet so he thinks nothing of your absence then meet me here in the living room." B said, running off into the kitchen.

Hurrying, I ran into the hallway, and stuffed the suitcase into the closet. Then I heard the door opening, and I rushed into the bathroom. After flushing the toilet, I walked back into the living room, where B was.

I didn't see our Father, but I could hear him in the kitchen. Walking over to B and sitting next to him, I gave him a nerves glance, and in return he squeezed my hand for reassurance.

We were just sitting there, watching the T.V., both pretending to be interested in it. After about thirty minutes, I heard a "Kids, dinner."

That was weird, Father NEVER made dinner, not even when Mom got sick. Something didn't seem right. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw B leaning over.

"What ever you do, don't eat it," he whispered, then got up and took me by the hand, pulling me over to the table. 'What did he mean by that?' I thought.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 6:<strong>**

****I knew what was happening. It was all to familiar, Father coming home early, him making dinner, being nice to us. It was exactually what happened to Mom before she died.****

****It started when Father came home early, he was unusually nice to her, but of course she just blew it off thinking it was because of their aniversery, he even made her dinner.****

****For some strange reason, he said we couldn't have any, I thought that maybe he just put some alchohal in it, maybe get her drunk so he could get lucky.****

****And for some reason, I forgot that, when you use achohal in food, when you cook it, there's no longer any in it, just the taste. Plus it's usually wine, but he didn't bring any home though.****

****Me and L were both in the living room, watching T.V. As always, and when they were done, they went to bed after Mom made us some PB&J.****

****The next day, she was extremely sick, and she died. At first I thought nothing of it, maybe it was just coincedence, but then I heard it. Father was making a phone call after he threw us out.****

****It was hard to hear, but I heard, "... killed her... poison... in the food dumbass..." By then L was up and I had to walk away with him, I couldn't tell him what I had heard.****

****And hopefully he didn't hear, I had always had good hearing, and now it comed in handy.****

****Sitting at the dining table, I watched as Father set the table with food, but there was only two plates, he didn't have one.****

**" ******Where's your plate?" I asked, giving him a glare. " I already ate before coming home, it was a celebration for the 50th aniversery at my work, which is why I came home early."****

****I eyed the food, it was simple, pork chops, mashed potatoes, and green beans, the same thing he made Mom, the last thing he made Mom.****

**"******Really?" I said, glancing at L, who had not touched his plate, except for pushing the food around with his fork, and I did the same.****

**"******Or is it because your trying to poison us?" I asked casually, looking up at him while my head was still facing down, giving it that evil look.****

**"******What do you mean?!" He said, anger and what sounded like... fear in his voice. "Oh, nothing, hey I got something I want to show you." I said, sickenly sweet like.****

**"******What?" he said, eyeing me as I got up and made my way over to him. Smiling softly, I replied, "This," in my usually voice before grabbing the knife hidden under my shirt and slightly in my pants, and stabbed him in the gut.****

**"******L, grab the suitcase and run, hurry!" I yelled, running backwards, all the while keeping an eye on our Father.****

* * *

><p>Entry 6: Continued.<p>

I was surprised to say the least, B acusing our Father of trying to poison us, although I really wouldn't put it past our Father to try something like that, then stabbing him. For a second, I couldn't move.

I was frozen in my seat after B shouted at me, then I quickly snapped out of it, and ran to do what he ordered. After grabbing the heavy suitcase, I quickly pulled it over to the door.

B was still watching Father, he was lying on the floor in agony, yelling something about dieing or whatever, I wasn't really paying attention, I was still trying to convince myself that this was all a dream.

Just a horrible dream, no more like a nightmare, and any moment, I would wake up, safely in the bed, and it would all be over.

But when was I ever that lucky? Whenever I prayed to the god that I didn't believe in, because I was convinced that there was no god since so one could be so heartless as to let something like this happen, that it was just a dream, it never was.

And when I thought that it was reality, it never was, I would always wake up, next to my big brother, with his conforting arms safely around me, protecting me from what ever wanted to hurt me.

So, deep down I knew, that this was no dream. When I reached the door, B was behind me, shoving his was to the front, taking the suitcase from me, and pulling me by my hand, out the door.

Then, we were running, running for our lives. For some reason we both kept thinking that he was right behind us, when logically, there was no way that he could come after us, much less keep up with us with those wounds he was sporting.

"B... where are... we going?" I asked, in between breathes, as we continued to run. Right then, we had to stop, we had been running for a good ten minutes, and after catching our breathes, he answered.

"We're going to the shady part of town, there's a hotel that gives rooms out for cheap, no questions asked, no matter who you are. All you have to do is ask them to tell no one that your their, and they won't even tell the police that your there."

"But," I asked, thinking that it was a bad idea, "If there is a place like that near here, wouldn't that be the first place that Father would look for us?"

"No, not really, it's more of a secret place, don't asked how I know about it, because it's better that you don't know, but it's more of a hide out, for people in trouble with the cops, and that are on the run."

I gave him a questioning look, but didn't asked anything else, considering that if B could, he'd tell me. It wasn't like him to keep things from me, we were extremly close, so if he said not to ask, there was a damn good reason for it.

We continued walking, I walked beside him, since he didn't let go of hand, and I had a feeling that he wasn't going to.

After about an hour or more of walking, which by then my feet were hurting terribly, we finally made it to the hotel that B was talking about.

Walking in, B went straight to the counter, and paid for a weeks stay, in a one room bed room of course, since the two bed room ones were twice as much, and soon he was handed a key.

"One last thing," he said, "If anyone, and I mean anyone asked, we were never hear, that goes for a guy that lookes like us and says were his kids."

And without getting a reply, he turned his back and walked to the ugualy looking green elevator, and once we were both inside, he pushed the 8th floor button, and we started moving.

Regular pov:

L and B had fallen asleep in the bed that they shared, for once both having peacefull dreams despite the situation. Suddenly the alarm clock went off, and both B and L sat up in bed. Looking over, B hit the off button. L laughed quietly, "It must be automatic, I've heard of places that do that before."

L said, quietly laying down in the still dark room. It was around 10:00pm at night. B just huffed and also lay back down. B looked over at L, even though it was hard to see him since there was no light in the room what so ever.

Closing his eyes, he was on the verge of sleep when a sound suddenly brought him back to reality. "L, what was that?" L blushed slightly, thankful that it was dark in the room. "That was my stomach." He said simply, and was startled when he heard the same sound come from his older brother.

"Looks like your hungry too, huh B?" L said, jokingly. A small blush crept up on B's face as well. "Yeah, why don't we leave and go somewhere to eat." "But wont we have to walk there? I don't want to walk a long way." L wined as B got up and turned the light to the hotel on.

"Don't worry, I was gonna buy a car tonight anyways, I know a place that sells to anyone, also no questions asked. Oh and by the way, get used to being a night owl, as they say, since it's more likely that we'll evade Father, no Ivan, that way." B said, no longer wanting to refer to Ivan as his Father.

"B(eeeeee)," L said, streaching out his name. "That sucks, how are we gonna go to sleep during the day with the light coming through the window?" B faced L, giving him 'that' look. "Don't worry, this place has those black out curtains, or what ever you call them, they'll block out all the light, so stop complaining, I won't be having any of that bullshit whining."

B said with a stern face, wanting to look tough around L since he no longer had a father in his life, but the tough charade quickly left when L used his signature puppy dog eyes. 'Damn' ,B thought, 'it gets me every time.'

"Well, come on, lets go, the sun will come up in a couple of hours." B stated, grabbing the keys and the money and stuck them in his back pocket. "We also need to go to the Gun and Weaponry store, I need to get a few things from there."

"Do they also sell to how ever 'No questions asked'?" L asked, saying the last part, using a mocking voice that sounded a lot like B's. "Oh, shut up brat." "You shut up, and what do you need from a place like that anyways? And why?"

"In case you haven't noticed, by dear bratty little brother, we're in the bad side of town, we need stuff to protect ourselves, and for your information, i'm only getting two army knives, a small gun, and two tasers'." B said, walking out of the room with L right behind him.

"Are you sure tasers' is a real word, isn't it just slang?" L asked, honestly not knowing. "Mmmm don't know, but I'm using it." B said, walking out of the elevator and out of the building with L.

Walking down two blocks in silence, they arrived at the dealers. "Yo, Jhon, we need a special low car thats cheap, and now." B said to the fat man sitting in the shop. 'How does B know about all of this stuff?' L thought, deciding to ask him once they got back to the hotel, where they wouldn't be over heard.

He kinda half guessed that B learned it from Ivan, since L knew for a fact that while they were not at school, B was always at home with him. But then there's still the question of how these people seemed to know B. Maybe he snuck out of school, L thought, he would put it past B to do something like that, since B was never too keen o school, even though he some how made good grades.

Once a small black car was brought around to the front, B quickly paid for it, throwing in a little extra cash to the head car dealer to make sure he never mouthed a word to anyone that they were ever there.

It wasn't the nicest car L ever saw, since it had a few scratches on it and some dents, but that's why it was probably so cheap, L guessed, and the fact that it's pretty much made for migits. Really, no normal full grown person could fit in a car that size and still drive it around.

After they left, B was the one driving since Ivan taught him how to in case of an emergence, they decided to go to Sonic, [Disclaimer] and grab a bite to eat. After ordering their food and eating, B drove them to the gun shop.

"Now L, I want you to stay in the car and don't unlock it for anyone, understand?" B said, cutting off the ignition. "Yeah, yeah, no need to talk to me like a kid." L replied. B nodded and got out of the car with the keys in his hand, and locked the car before going inside.

After B was inside, L sat there for a few minutes, before getting board and getting out of the car. He only stood there for a minute before spotting someone coming close to the car.

Quickly getting back in, he locked the door right when said person was next to the car. He had a hood on and was very tall. The man got down on one knee and started to pick the lock. Opening the now unlocked door, the man grabbed the kicking and screaming L and started to make off with him.

It wasn't until a minute later that B came back outside, and was greeted with an empty car.

Still kicking and screaming, L looked up at the figure still hidden under the hood. Turning into an alley, the man lifted up his hood, and the face under was so shocking to L, that he imediantly stopped his struggles.

"Father..."


	3. Chapter 3

Regular pov:

"Lets see how your older brother fares without you" Ivan said to Lawliet, walking away, through back alleys, looking out into the city from one alley, L and Ivan watched as Beyond, in the car, drove right past them, obviously angered.

L would have screamed out, but Ivan held a pocket knife at his throat at the last minute. Smiling evilly down at his son, he quickly made his way back to the house with L kicking and struggling the whole way.

"Oh, we're almost home, just wait until we get there, I've got a surprise for you." Ivan said, thinking of what he as going to do to L once he got back, after he was done with him, Ivan thought while ignoring L, L would never try to run away again.

For some reason, he was more concerned in keeping L with him than with keeping both his kids with him. Ever since L was born, he had taken more of a liking to him than his first son, B.

Walking up to the door, Ivan unlocked it and brought L inside, and re-locked it again. Walking straight to his bed room, he was going to start L's personal hell.

Closing the door behind him and locking it, he brought L to the bed and put him down. Holding him down, he stripped the struggling boy until there was nothing left.

Before going any farther, Ivan stood back up and looked down at L. _Slap_. He back handed L across the face. "Stay still boy, and don't move from the bed." Walking over to the door, he moved his book case in front of it. He did this, knowing that sooner or later, Beyond would figure out that he had L, and Ivan didn't want that maniac to burst through while he was in there with L.

Ivan shivered, looking down at the gash on his arm where Beyond had stabbed him. _Little freak, maybe I should try to get him too, i would't want him to feel 'left out' _Ivan thought evilly, why not make B scream for mercy and forgivness for what he had done?

Looking over at L, he walked over, and taking his belt out from his pants, he doubled it over and brought it down on L's bare torso. L screamed out in agony, and Ivan flipped him over and started to bring the belt down across his back several times.

L yelped and screamed in pain, and just before Ivan brought his belt down again, there was a banging on the front door.

"Looks like Beyond is here, don't move from this spot Lawliet, or else." Ivan said, moving the bookcase, belt still in hand, and he walked out of his room, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Entry 7:<strong>**

****It wasn't long until I had figured out that it must have been Ivan that took L. Speeding in my car, I hurried to our house, hoping that I could get there in time to stop him from hurting my little brother.****

****When I had got back to the car before realizing who took L, I had put the gun in the dashboard, and in my rush to save my brother, and in my rage of what could be happening to my dear little brother, I had forgot to take anything with me, not even the tazer.****

****Banging on the door, soon Ivan opened the door, and without thinking, surprising Ivan and myself both, I jumped at him, kicking and punching him as hard as I could.****

****Unfortunetly I was unable to really hurt him. After he got over his initial shock, he grabbed both of my wrists and dragged me inside, i kicked, struggled, and screamed the whole way there. There was no way I was going down without a fight. My brother's and my life was possible at stack.****

****Being back in the house brought back old memories that I tried to bury forget during the small time we were away, and a wave of dizziness washed over me. If there was one thing that I knew was that I never wanted to be back in this place again. There were no go memories here, all the good memories of my mother were at our old houses, the ones that we had to leave on a daily bases.****

****Quickly, I found myself being dragged into the hallway, towards Ivan's bedroom. "Let me go you bastard! Or I'll gut you like the fish you are!" I yelled, as we reached the door. Half of me wished that he would let go, the other half wanted to know if my brother was in the room, and whether or not he was OK.****

****He quickly opened the door and threw me in, I hit the floor hard, and the air was knocked out of my lungs. Looking up, the room was spinning, and I could barley make out him closing the door, locking it, and pushing his bookcase in front of it, to keep us from getting out, I assumed.****

****After a couple of seconds, the room stopped spinning and I was able to catch my breath. By that time Ivan was right in front of me, glaring down at me. Before I even hand time to think, he harshly kicked me in my stomach, and I coughed reflectively, some blood coming out of my mouth.****

****I doubled over and held my stomach, and he picked me up. I was too hurt to fight without just doubling back over, which was what I figured he intended to have happened. Suddenly, in the mists of my pain, I remembered why I was here in the first place. L!. I tried looking around for him, but before I was able to stop him I was thrown rather harshly into a chair.****

****My head hit the back of it, and as I cluched my head, I felt a weird liquid on my fingers. Pulling my hands away from my head, I saw a red substance on my hands, blood, and a lot of it. I doubt that hitting the chair caused it to open a gash in my head to bad to make it bleed this much, or when I hit the ground, so I decided that it was probably both.****

****I felt my blood flow down the front of my face, and over my right eye. Before I was able to do anything, i felt something wrap around me. Looking down I saw that Ivan was tying me to the chair with rope that he got somewhere while I was busy concentrating on my head wound.****

****After he was done tying, he stood back up, and my eyes darted around the room, searching for L, and I finally found him, he was on the bed. I could see red marks all over his neaked skin, and they where most likely going to bruise later. I felt anger cross through my veins and I tried to look back at Ivan, who had bee surprisingly quiet this whole time. But I could bring my eyes to his face as another wave of dizziness washed over me.****

****I'm guessing it was from loosing to much blood, as I my head flopped down and looked at the small pool of blood at my feet. It wasn't big enough to be truely worried over, yet anyways. I could hear Ivan 'tisk' over me and watched as his feet turned and walked away. With some difficulty I was able to lift up my head again and watched in horror as Ivan picked up his belt, which I also assumed was what caused the red marks all over L's little body, and double it over, swinging it in the air as he hit it over and over on my brother's body.****

****It was horrible, the feeling of helplessness the ran through me as I watched L get hit, Finally I found my voice and yelled out the worst curses I could think of at the moment with myself slowly bleeding out.****

****"YOU MOTHER FUCKING, STOP IT, STOP IT YOUR HURTING HIM YOU FUCKING RETARD. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'G GONNA STRING YOU UP AND WATCH AS YOU DANGLE LIKE THE LITTLE BITCH YOU FOR HURTING HIM."****

****I watched as he turned around and a new kind of anger I had never seen before enter his eyes. I took in deep gulps of breaths, as shouting all of that look all of the breath I had in me. Walking over to me, he swung the belt as hard as he could over the right side of my face. Blood immanently rushed into my eye and began to pour out of it. He untied me and grabbed my by the upper arm and hurriedly walked me into his bathroom.****

****As he brought me into the bathroom he said in a sarcastic filled voice, "Little boys like you who use such language get their mouths washed out with soap and a spanking." Although anyone in the room could tell that he was going to use an extreme version of those two, probably going to choke me with soap and beat me with the buckle of his belt.****

****Picking me up and bending me over the counter, he set the belt that was still in his hands on the counter and grabbed the soap. Watching him put it under the water, I tried my best to scwerm out of his hold. I almost wished I handed said it, but quickly pushed the though aside, since I'd rather him beat me than hurt L any day.****

****Unfortunetly I wasn't able to get out of his whole since I was weak from blood lose, and deciding that it would only be worse for me if I didn't do as he said, I opened my mouth when he told me to and quickly regretted it. The soap tasted awe-full and he kept rubbing it in my mouth, making sure to get every inch. I started to chock on the suds of the soap that were mixing with my spit.****

****Finally after what felt like hours but was more like five minutes, he roughly pulled the soap out of my mouth and let me go. I was coughing while chocking on the still present soap leftovers in my mouth, and I quickly rushed over to the toilet and threw up. After I was done I spit a couple of times and watched as the water went down. Ivan had flushed it after I was done.****

****Grabbing me up, he once again bent me over the sink. I had a bad feeling in my stomach, one part of my prediction turned out right, how much more would? Suddenly I felt a stinging ******_**swat**_****** fall on my backside. And I was wrong, he wasn't using the buckle, he probably didn't think of using it, but that didn't make it any better. I could feel how much force he was using behind it, he was most likely using all of his strength.****

****Swat after stinging swat landed on my backside, I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face. This was not going to be the end of it, we were both probably going to die here tonight, lord knows that he could pull it off and get away scotch free. I started to choke on a sob that still tasted like his cheap bathroom soap.****

****They just kept coming, I tried to keep count in my head. I started to cry at twenty, sob at thirty, and scream at fifty. But no matter how hard I kicked my legs, he never stopped. Nearing eighty, I knew my backside would bruise an ugly purple and blue. "STOP! STOP" I yelled as I went limp, deciding that struggling was useless.****

****Finally, after I had gone limp and he hit me another fifteen times, he stopped and removed his hand from my back, which he had put there when I started to kick wildly from the pain. I fell to the floor and landed on my side. I curled up into a ball and started to cry uncontrollably. He picked me up and held me with one arm, the way you held someone where you had them sit on you arm while trapping their legs between your chest and arm so they didn't fall.****

****It seem that he finally came down from what ever crazy high he was on, as he gently placed me down on the now closed toilet seat. It didn't surprise me much, since our father, no Ivan, was a rather pretty descent guy before mother's death, and even though he usually got into these crazy modes, he was able to sometimes go back to normal afterwards. I'm not sure if he felt guilty or not, but I wasn't going to ask.****

****I watched him as he walk over to the sink and grabbed out the first aid-kit from inside the bathroom mirror. He walked back over, without saying a word, and knelt down beside me. He gently, which surprised me, took my head into his hands. He tilted it down so he could see the back of my head, and I saw L standing in the doorway. I'm not sure how long he was there, but I hoped that it was recently.****

****L, probably sensing that it was OK now to come near Ivan, walked over to us and silently watched as he parted my flat hair, with was oddly different than his, who I like to call it 'gravity deifying' hair, and dab an alcohol covered cotton ball over the medium sized gash. He reached past L, to whom flinched, and grabbed a bottle a drinking whiskey from under the cabinet and handed it to me.****

****I assumed I was suppose to drink it to numb the pain, since he was most likely going to stitch my wound up. I took about five mouthfuls of it, thankfully it was able to overpower the taste of soap, and silently handed back.****

****To my surprise he handed to L and watched as he too drank some. I wasn't exactly sure why though, and he put it back, not even drinking any himself, he was after all and alcoholic, but I had already earlier on smelt beer on his breath.****

****After a couple of painful minutes of being stitched back up, he wiped off any excess blood from around the wound, which didn't do much good since I was cover with a lot of it on my face and some on my shirt that had dripped off of my face.****

****Sensing this, he quietly took off my shirt and other clothes, which I didn't protest too much of since I was still a little dizzy and weak and started to fill the tub with water.****

****I looked at it a little frightened, on one hand, I wanted to take a bath since I was covered in my own blood, but on the other I didn't want to be within ten feet of the tub since I was afraid that he would drown he in it in a turn of events, he was bipolar, and could change moods at a snap of a finger, which was why I tried not to make to much noise, that and I didn't want to sound weak.****

****"You know you shouldn't try so hard to act brave all the time, you are a child, and you seem to forget that a lot." Ivan said in his deep voice. I wanted to say 'yeah, well if you weren't a dick of a father who wouldn't stop trying to kill his kids all of the time I wouldn't have to.' But I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to anger him, especially with L so close to us.****

****I felt him lifting me up and into the water, now that the tub was over halfway full, with surprisingly not scolding hot water but nice warm water that felt perfect. Taking a big cup that was near the tub, and dipping it into the water, he poured it over my head.****

****The water started to turn a slight orange color from all of the blood, and watching it go more from clear to orange I thought it was a miricel that I didn't pass out, or a curse, either one could be used since if I had passed out at least the pain would have topped, but in the end I guess it was for the best that I stayed awake since after him beating he, he seemed to have drain all of his anger out and no longer wanted to go after L.****

****After all of the blood was off and inspecting my eye to make sure it was OK, which it was since fortunetly all the bloody tears seemed to just have been the blood from the wound seeping into my eye without me noticing due to the inence pain, he got me out and drained the tub.****

****It was hard to stand on my own just yet, considering all that had happened, and he grabbed both mine and L's, who had not left throughout the entire time, hands and walked us back into the bed room. ****

****He put us on the bed and walked over to his closet. Once his back was turned, I engulfed my little brother in a hug, not yet breaking down.****

****Ivan came back with two of his white over shirts and put them on us, They were too big on both me and L and could have passed for dresses the way they fit us.****

**** The lights were already turned off, as they were when we came, or a better term force, in and the only lights in the room was the two lamps that lit the dim room barely, and Ivan laid down on the right side of the bed.****

****The bed was pretty big and me and L were able to lay down on the other side, with room to spare. Ivan turned his lamp off and I turned our lamp off, engulfing the room in darkness. With in second Ivan was asleep, I could tell by his ever present light snoring. ****

****That's when I lost it, I pulled L into a tight hug and cried into his shoulder. And he let me, not caring that for once I was the one who needed comfort and I didn't know, but he had wanted to hug me like this since the beginning once he saw that my head was bleeding badly, but not being able to because of Ivan.****

****"Don't worry," he whispered, "It's all over know, we're going to get out of here soon, we'll leave again when the time it right." He said, saying the words that I wanted to but couldn't because of how worked up I was. ****

****He sat up and gently pulled me on his lap, even though I was slightly taller than he was due to being older, not even worried of waking Ivan since it seemed like he had been super drunk, and was past out cold. And once he got like that, not even an earthquake could wake him up.****

****L started to rock me back and forth, while I buried my head into his shoulder, thinking about how not to long ago the positions were reversed, with me calming him down after ******_**that**_****** night. ****

****This whole night was just one whole confusing and painful mess, all I wanted to do was sleep, wincing at my still throbbing backside.****

* * *

><p>Entry 7:<p>

It wasn't long before I knew that B was asleep. His breathing had slowed down, and I gently put him on his side, still hugging him.

I would have took my older brother out of here after Ivan had fallen asleep, the there was no way I would be able to push the bookcase out of the way, and B was in no shape or form able to help, he could barely walk after the beating Ivan had given him.

I had actually been there the whole time, once Ivan had dragged him back there I followed, fearing that he would try to kill him. There were times where I just had to look away, it was to horrible to watch. And others where I had to hold my ears shut, not wanting to hear B's sobs or screams, since it hurt me emotionally.

I just wanted to get the hell out of here. I felt that it was all my fault, it was already bad enough that B got worse than I did but to think, if I had just stayed in the car like he said, none of this would have happened. Ivan wouldn't have got me and I would have most likely called the cops on him after shooting at him. Wait... call the cops! That was perfect, once we got out of here we could send an anonymous call that Ivan Lawliet was here and he would be taken away forever.

I thought over my plan, and soon I too fell asleep.

_From this point on there will be no more Entries, just point of views._

L's pov:

It had only been maybe 3 or so hours that we had been asleep before we were awken by Ivan. It looks like he may have been awake before us and left, since he once again smelled like beer and the bookcase was moved from in front of the door.

He shock me and Beyond awake, saying "Lawliet, go sit on that chair over there, and don't move from it." He had already turned on the lamp, but what was surprising was that the bulb had been replaced by a red one.

As I got up and sat on the chair, I thought 'What is going on?', then it hit me, he was living out some fantasy, that was the only reason that he would be doing this, he had planned this out, all of it.

I watched as he stripped the shirt off of Beyond. He was going to do it, wasn't he? I was fixing to yell, try to destract him, because I never wanted him to do what he did to me to Beyond, when B gave me a harsh glare.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>B's pov:<strong>**

****I gave L a harsh glare, I knew what he was about to do, and I didn't want him to. It would mean that he would end up getting hurt instead of me, and I couldn't have that happening. I was the older one, I was suppose to protect him, not the other way around.****

****I shivered as the cold air hit my naked body, and I watched as Ivan undressed himself. I, like L, had figured out that he had planned this whole thing. All I could do now was submit as to not further get hurt and guess what he would to next to hurt me.****

****Now that all of his clothes were off, he reached over to the nightstand next to the bed, and pulled out what looked like some kind of tube. The top popped and he poured something on his fingers.****

****That's it, it was lube wasn't it? So this was some kind of fantasy of his? But why me though? He had always liked L better, always wanted L, that was why he did the unthinkable to him and not me.****

****But I'm not conplaining, as long as it's me and not my brother. If anything, I'm gonna try to make sure he only touches me, since it was better that I got it twice as bad then to have us both hurt.****

****I winced as he stuck a finger into me, and slowly moved it in and out. Then he added another one, when I wasn't prepared for it, and started to siccor me. It hurt like HELL! In and out, in and out that was all I could think about.****

****I tried to think of anything that would take my mind off of what was happening, and looked over to L. He was looking away, and I was glad, I didn't want him to see what was about to happen. OW! I felt another finger enter me.****

****Tears started to make there way down my face, and the worse part wasn't even here yet. Then finally, they left. But with the relief came a new pain, and something HUGE entered me. I screamed out in pain.****

****It started out slow, then faster and faster, and I could feel the blood run down my small legs. It seemed to never stop, just once again in and out, in and out. Then he roughly pulled out and flipped me over onto my legs and knees.****

****He quickly thrusts into me from behind, and I scream as he harshly started to pound me into the matress. But to my humiliation, it didn't stop there. He suddenly thrusts into me all the way and stays there.****

****I could feel him lean over and put his mouth right next to my ear. Ivan softly whispers, "You dirty little whore, say you like it, say you want me to fuck you into the matress. Come on say it or else you can watch as I do the same to your dear brother."****

****Not in a million years would I have given him what he wanted, I would have just said "Fuck you" and just taken the pain filled thrusts as I ticked him off, but he was threating Lawliet against me. That withing itself was a low blow, even for him. But I was starting to think he would go to any length to get what he wanted.****

****I started to sob, but between the sobs I said what he wanted me to say, "...please... give it to me...just fuck me into the matress..." It was humilyating, but I got it out, and to no one's surprise, he started again.****

* * *

><p>L's pov:<p>

I hated it. I had to sit here while everything I never wanted happened. When Ivan put him lubrecated finger into B, I looked away and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see any of it. But I could here Beyond's pained grunts.

What seemed all to soon, Ivan started to actualy thrust into B. I could tell because I could hear Beyond's pained scream, and I could also, but barely, hear the head board hit against the wall with the force put behind the thrusts, and I woundered if B could hear it too over his screams.

For what seemed like hours on end it seemed that the noises would never stop, they just kept going. Then, finally, it stopped. I looked up, thinking and hoping that it was over, but it wasn't. Ivan was still instide B, and they were in a different position.

He leaned over and whispered something into his ear. B stared to sob uncontroable after a few seconds, and again I turned away. Then, between his sobs, he started talking. I assumed that Ivan told him to say it, and I knew that he didn't mean it, but still I was discusted.

I wanted so badly for Beyond to tell Ivan to just go to hell, but obviously that wasn't going to happen. So I covered he ears with my hands, hopfully to block out the words and sobs and I pulled my feet onto the chair and to my chest. I put my head between my knees while still holding my hands to my ears.

I kept thinking, 'God let this be over soon, God let this be over soon,' and over and over again, until I started to quietly whisper it, too softly for anyone to hear. "God let be over, please help us, please help us..."

Then, it was over. I looked up, and Ivan had already pulled out of Beyond and covered him up with the blanket, and slowly and carefully picked him up. He got off of the bed and walked over to where I was. "Get up." He said, and out of fear I did.

He put B down and immediately Beyond brought his legs up to his chest, and yelped at the pain that it caused. 'He must be sore.' I thought, and was surprised when Ivan picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. I thought, panic-stricken, that he must not be done yet.

I could hear B feebly say don't but Ivan ignored him. Then suddenly he stopped, and confused, I looked down, and saw that Beyond was holding onto his leg and pulling it back, well trying to at least, but Ivan wouldn't budge. I watched in horror as picked up his leg with B still on it and got ready to kick him off.

"No! Don't!" I yelled and started to pound hard on his back, and to my relief B let go before he was kicked off. But he didn't stop, and bit him in the leg as soon as Ivan put his leg down. "YOU SON OF A -" Ivan said but was interrupted when B kicked him right in his nuts.

"Let him go or I'll kick you so hard in between your legs that you'll cough up your unborn children!" B screamed as Ivan dropped he to clutch his balls. And thankfully before I hit the ground, B caught me, and before I knew it we were running.

We ran as fast as we could to the front door, but the couch was up against it. 'Damn.' I thought as B grabbed by wrist and ran back into the hallway, and to our room. He closed and locked the door.

"What are we going to do? There is nothing in here that we can use as a wepon and he has a key to all of the rooms, if he remembers that he still has it he can easily get in here." I said to B, but he wasn't listening as he pulled me into the closet.

"How is this going to help?" I said, but was again ignored as he got down on his knees and picked up an overly large shirt, since he was still naked. I was getting real tired of being ignored, so I grabbed him by the shoulders once he pulled the black shirt on. "What. Are. We. Going. To. Do?"

"Hide." Was all he said as he started to move the boxes out of the was and relieved the wall. He put his hands on a certain spot that looked like the rest of the wall and pushed, and to my surprise it gave in, relieving a secret hiding spot in the wall that was 5 feet tall, 8 feet in width, and 7 feet in length.

"I found this out not to long before we left, probably the former owners did this." He said as he pushed me in. I had to get on my hands and knees since the opening in the wall was only a few centimeters above me head once I was down on my knees. After I got in I moved over so he could get in to, and watched as he closed the closet door, pulled the boxes back into place and put the piece of wall that was cut out in the shape of a square so we could get in back into place.

"How long?" I asked, and he raised an eyebrow at me. "How long did I know about this or how long until we get out of here?" He asked back. I gave him the 'Are you stupid?' look, since obviously it was the latter since he had answered the former earlier.

"Oh, just until tomorrow, when he leaves for work, and then we can leave. The car is parked out in front of the house so we'll use that." He scouted up against the wall with me facing him, not the one we just got in through or the one opposite from it, and laid down.

Feeling tired myself I got on top of him and laid my head on his chest. We couldn't fall asleep just yet due to the noise from Ivan screaming our names and running and searching through the house for us.

When he got to our room, we held our breath, and he immediately went to our closet. We could hear him huff in aggravation, and storm off. Finally, it got really quiet, he had probably given up, and we stayed like that through out the night, Me with my head on his chest and his left arm hugging me to his chest, and I fell asleep to the steady rhythm of his heart beat.


	4. Chapter 4

****Beyond's point of view:****

**_**I looked around, but there was nothing to see. I tried to call out, but my voice wasn't there, and there was nothing to say. I didn't know where I was, there was only blackness all around, and I had a feeling that I was alone.**_**

**_**But why? Why alone, was there someone I was suppose to be with? I hate this feeling, the feeling you get when you forget something important. Something that probably meant the world to you, that you could never forget.**_**

**_**Whats worse? Forgetting something that seems so important, or losing it? I don't know where these thoughts were coming from, but I couldn't stop them, it was like someone, or something, was forcing me to think, and I had no control on when to stop it, if it stopped at all.**_**

**_**Forgetting something, I decided, was a lot worse. It means that it was there, you knew it, whether it was painful or joyful, and could no longer remember it. All you were left with was a feeling of emptyness. A feeling that pushed you, pushed you to remember at all costs, to look deep down in your mind to find the answer, no matter how long it took.**_**

**_**If you had lose it, at least you could remember it, and greave over it. But that wasn't the case, the case was that I couldn't remember anything. I just realized, I could remember anything at all, who am I? What am I? Am I a boy or a girl? What if I'm neither? Am I even human?**_**

**_**Trying to escape these thoughts that haunted me, I tried to move my body. And I could, but I could feel that I was trapped. Held down by something, I could flex my fingers, and move my hand a bit, but it felt as though something was pinning my wrists down.**_**

**_**Suddenly a bright flash of light blinded me, and it took a second, but I finally got used to it and was able to look around. And what I saw was different then what I thought was there. I thought that there was nothing but blackness, like space, but it seems that I'm somewhere, somewhere I know I don't want to be.**_**

**_**It looked like something out of a horror movie, the walls where wooden, not the new and lasting kind, but the kind used to make old timy wooden sheds for long cabbins. There were dark patches on the wood here and there, like overtime the rain had seeped through, and it just dried there.**_**

**_**I could tell it probably just stopped raining, or there was a light down pour going on outside, since there was water droplets here and there, falling from the roof. To my left, there was a wooden table, with a white sheet over it to hide what was under neath from prying eyes.**_**

**_**To my right, there was nothing but a wall and a door with a brass nob, I tilted my head up to see if there was just another wall that connected to the first two, but there was a fire place in the middle, unlit, and uninviting. Looking at the forth wall, I saw a window, the blinds where shut, letting no one and nothing outside know what was inside.**_**

**_**I listen, but there wasn't any sounds. It was erie quiet. No rain, no birds chirping, animals moving about there normal day, nothing, just silence. But I knew that couldn't be right, was I just deaf? No, I wasn't, because I could hear, hear something in the distance.**_**

**_**Footsteps, someone was coming. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Was it my rescuer, ready to find me and take me away from this scary hell? Or was it my kidnapper, the one who put me here, and tied me up, ready to hurt me with what ever it was on that table?**_**

**_**The footsteps got louder and louder, then they were outside the door, but they stopped. I waited, but the door never opened.**_**

_**"**__**_**Awake I see."**_**_

**_**I looked to the left, and there was a man, a rather tall on at that, just standing there. The light from above me, which happens to be a simple lightbulb just hanging there, slightly swaying back and forth, not enough to really notice.**_**

**_**How was that possible? He was probably the person from outside, but how did he get in here? And without making a sound too. I couldn't see his face, but I could see everything up to his shoulders, and the outline of his head. His black hair went down to his shoulders. Without seeing his face, it was hard to tell if it was suppose to be like that, that it just looked better long, or if he was long overdue for a haircut.**_**

**_**I didn't say anything, I couldn't, my voiced seemed to dissappear. Was it even ever there in the first place? Maybe. His hand flew to my side, and under my black shirt, resting on my stomache. I knew I couldn't move my arms, so I tried kicking my legs out, but they were also tied down.**_**

**_**For some reason I instantly screamed out, though I felt no pain, and when his hand moved from out from under my shirt, there was blood on his fingers. Then, he stepped away, and kept going backwards, until he fazed through the wall.**_**

**_**I sighed in relief, but then I heard it, my mother's screaming. Wait, how did I know it was my mother, and not some random woman? It didn't matter, because at that moment I knew I had to help her.**_**

_**_**I sat up and hopped down from the table. Since when did my arms and legs get free, wern't they tied down? Looking over at the table, there was nothing there, no roped or metal clamps that could have held me down.**_**_

**_**I ran for the door, and slammed the door open, running out of the house, not even bothering to close it. I was right, I was in a log cabbin in the forest. There were huge trees everywhere, and due to my size, they seemed to be never ending.**_**

**_**I could still hear her, she never stopped screaming. It wasn't a continuous scream, but multiple screams all back to back. Some where of a woman who is scared, and some where pained screams, like she was being unimaginably tortured by a psychopath.**_**

**_**I ran and ran, and as her screams got closer to me, the more my hopes excelled. If she was still screaming, that means that she was still alive, and I could some how save her. Then it stopped, and all was silent except for my harsh breathing and the sounds of my continuous running.**_**

**_**I stopped, no longer able to hear it, and that's when I heard it, "Beyond, run! Get away from here!"**_**

**_**I looked around, there was no way to tell where it was coming from, it just bounced off the trees, coming from every direction. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my breath hitched, cought in my throat. There was someone behind me, breathing down my neck.**_**

**_**I got a strange feeling, that what ever it was that was standing behind me, wasn't human, but something of pure evil, something without a soul, no happyness, joy, laughter, smiles or kind eyes. Something made of every evil or dark emotion. Sorrow, depression, anger,saddness, empytness, and nothingness.**_**

**_**I couldn't move, but I could feel it, as it's hand moved toward me, and a single finger touched me. That's when it happened, all the dark and evil emotions filled within me, leaving me with none of the good ones.**_**

**_**I was in a trance, and I couldn't breathe, but for some reason I didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered anymore as I fell to the ground, face first, watching as everything came crashing down around me.**_**

**_**Black spots, slowly, very slowly, started to form around the edges of my vision. I knew it was still hovering above me, looking down upon me with some sort of sick satisfaction of it's accomplishment.**_**

**_**The black spots started to weave its way into my vision faster. My lungs burned from the lack of oxygen, and I could feel death approching, slowly swollowing me whole. And I invited it, it was an escape, and escape from the pain and sorrow that engulfed my entire body.**_**

**_**And, as my vision blurred, and there was only so much that I could see left, it turned to me, and smiled.**_**

**"******B..." " B, wake up.." "BEYOND!" I jolted awake to Lawliet's voice, quickly sitting up, almost crashing into him in the process, as he was directly above my head, but moved out of the way the second I moved.****

****It was... it was all a dream? I looked around in the small cramped space we were in, trying to catch my breath as I felt sweat go down my face. That right, the memories of last night, the horrible memories, came crashing down on my mind with in a second.****

**"******L, be quiet!" I said to my younger brother, afraid that he might wake Ivan. "Stay here, I'm gonna go check around the house." I got up, and moved the cut out door from it space. After I crawled out, I put it back, and slowly made my way out of the closet.****

****I moved swifly around the room, and over to my bed. I stuck my hand under the mattress, and just as expected, my knife, the one I stole from the kitchen, was still there. There was just the slightest hint of blood at the tip, from where I last stabbed Ivan, but the rest was clean, and I looked at my reflection in it.****

****My hair was a mess, sweat covered and plastered onto my face. My skin was a sickly pale color, except for the blush on my face, I probably had a fever, and I felt sick to my stomach.****

****Deciding that it was better to turn away, I got back to the task at hand. I left the bedroom, and entered the hallway. Nothing. No sounds, just nothing. I walked straight down the hallway, passing the bathroom, and came to a stop at the master bedroom.****

****I opened the door, and took in my surroundings, the chair was still there, with my blood splattered around it, and there was a lot blood there. Any sunlight there might have been was shielded away by the black out blinds, the only light illuminating the room was the light from the hall that spilled into the dark room, making my shadow humongous.****

****The bed was a mess, and the room was hot and the smell of sweat and blood barely lingered. There was no one in the room, and chancing a look into the bathroom, where more blood and bad memories were, there was no one in there either.****

****A sound from behind me made me jump, and spin around. I could hear footsteps in the hallway, coming closer to me. A shadow entered the room, and in stepped the intruder. It was L. "Holy hell, you scared the crap out of me." "Hell isn't holy, B." I rolled my eyes. "What are you doing in here? I told you to stay in the room."****

****He shifted from foot to foot, and glanced away from me. "I didn't want to stay in there, it was getting creepy by myself." He said, looking back at me, unfortunetly giving me his puppy eyes before I could tell his to go back into the room anyways.****

**"******Oh, what ever, hurry up and come here you big baby." I said grabbing his hand as soon as he was in reaching distance of me, ignoring his protests to let go of his hand and that he was not a baby, refering to my comment and him feeling like on due to me overlyprotectivly holding his hand.****

****I walked away from the bathroom, dragging his along with me.****

L's point of view:

I looked one last time at the bathroom, letting B drag me away, away from the room and away from the memories of watching him, from the bed, kick out as father beat him in that same room. We searched the rest of the house, including the hallway bathroom, living room, dining room, and kitchen.

I was a little unnereved by the way B held the butcher knife, ready to pounce on any moving thing. He was holding my hand, dragging me from place to place as we searched, pulling me here and there when ever I stopped.

After seeing that the whole house was clear, I could see Beyond physically relax. He bent down and picked up the car keys from behind the couch and replace them with the knife, probably where he threw them when father more than likely forced him in the house.

"Come on, we're leaving." He unlocked the door and continued to drag me out. I yanked my hand from him, and asked, "Where are we going?" He ignored me and grabbed me by the upper arm, yanking me around to the passenger door. Unlocking it, he forced me in and buckled my seat belt for me.

This really was getting frustrating, I mean who does he think he is anyways? Dragging me around and ignoring me, like he's the parent and I'm some kind of rude little child. It was degrading, and he's only a little older than me.

I guess he's just on edge and stressed out, having to take care of himself and me at such a younge age, it has to be hard, and look at me, I'm doing nothing and complaining the whole time, thanks a lot B, without even knowing it you've even made me feel like a spoiled child.

He started up the car, and pulled out of the driveway, yanking me out of my thoughts. We drove around for a little while, no particular destination in mind. Finally, he pulled up into a store parking lot. Seriously, do people NOT see the two KIDS driving a car!?

Oh well, that's good for us I guess. "Come on, we're going grocery shopping." B said, leaning towards me to unlock the dask board with the car keys, and grabbed his wallet. Since when did he have that? I got out and walked next to him through the parking lot, entering the store.

I remember the last time we were here, I scared the crap out of B by getting lost and we met that old man from the orphanage for gifted children who gave us his card. "Hey, B, have you ever thought about going to that orphanage?"

"What are you talking about?" He said, grabbing a hand basket, "Remember, that old man gave us his business card the last time we were here. He ran an orphanage for gifted children." "Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot, I can't let you leave my sight." He said, totally ignoring what I said, trying to change the subject.

I dropped the subject, opting for holding his hand. It's ironic how just a while ago I was yanking away from his grip, when no one was around, but now I'm the one holding his hand, now that we're in a huge store full of people. I mean, I didn't want to get lost in here again.

I just walked around with him, bored out of my mind, throwing somethings here and there into his basket, but otherwise just spacing out. "B, what are you going to do?" "hmm?" "When the money runs out I mean, what are you going to do then?" "Oh, trust me I have my ways of making money, and that's for me to know and you to never find out." "...Ass."

I watched as he struggled to get the soup down, like everything else, since one hand was holding mine and the other was holding the basket. I did think it was funny, "Hey, want me to hold that while you pick stuff out, it might be easier." He just handed me the basket, obvoiusly annoyed.

"Oh come on don't be that way!" He just ignored me again, I'm not even sure he heard me as he started moving quickly through the isles. "Come on, we're going to the close isle." I just followed him, not answering back, two could play this game.

Once we were there he started to pick out black short sleave tee's and white ones with a couple of pairs of jeans for us both. Obviously the white tee's were for me, but I didn't like short sleaves, even if summer was almost here. "B, you know I don't like those." "WE'RE GETTING THEM SO BE QUIET!" Jeeze, I knew he was pissy, but my god!

I looked behind me, and there was the woman's area. Looking over at B so he didn't see, as he had let go of me when we got over here to pick stuff out, I quickly left, then came back a second later.

"Here B, I thought you could use these." He looked at what I had in my hands, then turned his gaze up to me with a raised eyebrow. I shook the box of tampons in my hands, "Thought you could use them for your man period, since your PMSing and all."

"Haha very funny Lawliet, now put those down and stay by me, you know you can't go running off." He said with a roll of the eyes. I smirked to myself. L: 1, B: 0 ! I quickly turned around and put them back.

"Come on, I still got more stuff to get." He said, walking away. The basket was already full, so we went to the check out and paid. We left the store to put the stuff in the car, and after that was done, we went back into the store.

It was quick, we grabbed two new suit cases, although I thought that was strange, since we already had suit cases back at the hotel although nothing of importance was in there, some toothbrushes, a hair brush, some shampoo and body wash, and small bathroom rags.

I still thought the suitcases were weird, but everytime I asked B about it, he just said he'd explain it later, and that I didn't need to worry about it. Once we had paid for those too, we went back to the car and left.

Not long after he started to drive again, how did he get so good at it, I looked over to him, my patience gone. "B, what is going on, and you need to tell me this time!"

"We're leaving L, leaving to another state. (AN: I'm sure that I probably said somewhere or another in this story where they were at, but I can't seem to remember where, or if I said it at all, so I'm telling you now, there in Tennessee, USA. Of course, this is not where they were born, but they moved here with their parents.) It's not safe here anymore, and the sooner we leave the better. We're going somewhere up north, I'm not sure where yet though. We might even end up leaving the country if we have to. I'm not stopping by the hotel, it's too dangerous and too close to where we lived." I just sat there, speechless, trying to comprehend all that was said**.**

I'm not even sure what to think anymore. There was nothing but silence in the car, and i took that as a chance to think about everything that's happened, even the things that I wanted to bury in the depths of my mind. And the more that I thought back from the beginning to now, the more I began to feel guilty. I can't help but feel that it is all my fault, if B didn't have to look after me, none of this would have happened.

It was me who was kidnapped by Ivan, since I was the bait. The only reason B came back, was to save me. If he hadn't gone after me, Ivan wouldn't have gotten his hands on him, and...raped him.

And even then, I could see what B was doing, I'm not stupid, in fact I'd like to think of myself as far from it. B wasn't fighting back, he just let it happen, because he needed to please Ivan, so he wouldn't come after me. All I do is slow him down. I also know that Ivan's fallen in love with B, he could careless about me, it's always been that way, that first night that he raped me, it was just out of frustration, not love. What he showed B was in his sick and twisted way, "Love".

He made sure to take extra care of B, as to not hurt him, while with me he tore me apart, I was bleeding and I had a limp, but not with B. I could tell that he was enjoying beating me, he had this creepy smile plastered on his face, but when he hurt B, that same smile was gone. And I can garenty that he wouldn't have even hurt B if it wasn't for the face that he was drunk. Even in his drunken state, he took care of B, as to not let him bleed out to death.

And as I watched from the doorway, I could see the regret he had in his eyes when he was giving B a bath, and truly looking at what he had done, but as soon as he laid eyes on my abused, and still abused since the bruises have not faded, body, that look was gone.

I wish I was never born, I cause nothing but trouble. Always have and always will, even now I'm slowing B down... I was yanked out of my thoughts when I felt B tugging at my shoulder. "L, L snap out of it and help me." It was then that I realized for the first time that we were in an abandoned alley, and the car was turned off. "What are we doing?" I asked as I looked at him, before we both got out of the car.

"I told you, we needs to leave the car here, we can't take it with us, we're in pretty much worse city in the worst state in the county, that's the only reason that we've been able to get away with even having this in the first place. If we're to go to the northern stated, he have to get there on foot. What we're going to do is use bus after bus and taxi after taxi to get us closer to where we want to go. It will probably take us a while to get there, but on the way, we can think of what we'll do and so on and so on. We'll probably have to live on hotel after hotel on the way and once we're there all together. I have a couple of plans already, but they'll have to wait until we get into a hotel and out of this alley, now go to passenger seat on your side of the car and help me pack our stuff into the suitcase."

I go around to my side, and B goes to his. Together we pack all the stuff from the plastic bags into the one large suitcase. B grabbed the handle and pulled it out of the car, and we quickly walked out of the alley. At that same time, a police car zoomed by, sirens blasting. "Umm, B, I thought no cop cars came around here."

I looked over at him as he lugged the suitcase behind him. "They don't, and the few times they do, its only when they get a call from the main city from someone here. I mean, this is a bad part of town and all, so all kinds of things happen and get reported, so something like a murder would have to happen for them to actually come down here." "Mmm... weird."

I said as I looked behind me where the car had gone. Oh well, it doesn't concern us...right? We continued walking for over an hour, me stuck in my own little world. "Beeee, I'm tired and hungry. And my feet hurt."

"I know little bro, there's a gas station right over there, we can stop there and grab something to eat."

"A gas station? Yuck!"

I looked ahead to the Exon [disclaimer] and looked down. "L, there junk food is from the same company that Walmart buys from." "I know." I mumble as i walk just a bit closer to him. I never liked living here, always hated it. I use to ask mom why she chose to live here, and she'd always say "Money problems", though now I know that's not true.

Soon enough we enter the store and I head to the candy and chips isle while B just says to get him something while he waits at the front of the store. I grabbed random Doritos and skittles, M & M's, starbursts and nerds. [disclaimer]

Soon I was back at the front of the store and B joined me, and we stood, waiting behind a tall, what looked like 17 year old blonde boy, to pay for our food. Too bad it was only junk food, oh well, it's just for now I guess.

The boy in front of us was taking his sweet time, and so I took mine studying him, for some reason I couldn't take my eyes off of him, there was something fimilar about him, but for the life of me I didn't know what. I don't think I've ever seen him before, though I couldn't be sure, since I was only able to see the back of him, as he was facing the counter. I leaned over to B and whispered as quietly as I could.

"B, have you noticed anything... fimilar to the boy standing in front of us? There's something weird about him." B gave me a funny look, and at that time, while the man behind the counter took the boy's money, said boy turned the tinyest bit to stare at us with his right eye. It gave me a shiver and I looked away, B on the other hand glared at him.

He turned back and grabbed his bag, and left the gas station, but stood outside of the door after saying something to the man behind the counter as he was grabbing his bags. We stepped up and the man, who looked to be in his mid forties rang up our stuff and say ' Have a nice day.' before we could even pay.

"Um, what about paying? This stuff cost money last time I checked." B said, somewhat confused. "Oh, I thought you knew, your brother already paid for it using his card, now run along kids, you shouldn't keep your older siblings waiting."

Confused, I grabbed the bags before B could, and walked to the door, but stopped and waited for B, and one look at him showed that he was just as confused as I was. "The fuck?" Was all he said, obviously shocked. "B, what the hell is going on and who is he?"

I said, looked at the blonde outside that had his back to me, smoking a ciggerate. "I don't know, but if he doesn't have a damn good explination I'm going to taser him and kill him." B said, obviously mad. I'm sure he didn't really mean the whole kill him part... I hope.

We walked out of the store, and the boy turned to us. All three of us stood there, staring at one another. The silence was dreadful, but soon enough he finally spoke up.

"I'm sure your both confused at this point, and want answers, though I'd rather not explain everything right here, there are camera's at this gas station, and I'd rather not say anything right here, although I will say that I do know that what you just bought is what your planning to eat for lunch, and it's not very healthy, why don't we go to the restraunt right down the street to eat, it's my treat, and they have tables outside where you can eat and I'm sure it'll give us some more privacy. What do you say?"

I just continued to stare in shock as he finished, B was the first one to snap out of it and say something. "It's no of your damn business what we eat, we don't know who you are and I hope you don't know who we are. But for curiousities sake we'll go along with you, but know this, we're out in public so don't try anything, i'm not above yelling rape and kiddnapper if you do."

The blonde only nodded and started to walk toward the side walk, B and me following him.

Great B, thanks a lot, now we have to go with his creeper. Uuuugghhh, why? Can't there just be anything in our lives that's just a bit normal? Why does it that every time I turn around something else has to happen?


End file.
